Nobody Beats The Quiz
OK, all books and papers away, please. Pull out a number 2 pencil. It's time for the first annual New York Mets Nobody Beats the Quiz®.
Answer, if you will, the following eight questions:
1. Which of the following players has the greatest chance of getting a hit with runners in scoring position?
(A) Carlos Delgado, 2007 New York Mets
(B) Carlos Beltran, 2007 New York Mets
(C) Moonlight Graham, 1905 New York Giants
(D) Mert Hackett, 1883 Boston Beaneaters
2. At this rate, Tom Glavine's 300th career win will occur:
(A) In mid-August
(B) In late September
(C) Early in the 2013 season
(D) Increments of time are incapable of measuring such an event
3. Moises Alou will return to the Mets' lineup:
(A) In a few weeks
(B) Just in time for the playoffs
(C) One day before he goes on the DL again
(D) When Mercury aligns with Jupiter
4. The only reason the Braves haven't passed the Mets in the standings yet is:
(A) They stink, too
(B) The Curse of Chris Woodward and Roger McDowell
(C) They're waiting to rip our hearts out in October
(D) Doesn't really matter, they'll have passed us after this weekend
5. Who was the last Met to drive in a run with a sacrifice fly?
(A) David Wright
(B) Paul Lo Duca
(C) Willie Montanez
(D) Kelvin Chapman
6. How should Willie re-shuffle the lineup to wake up the team?
(A) Slide Lo Duca back to the #2 spot
(B) Drop Delgado to the #6 spot
(C) "First base, Bugs Bunny...second base, Bugs Bunny...third base Bugs Bunny, shortstop Bugs Bunny catchingBugsBunnypitchingBugsBunny.... whew!"
(D) Four words: El Duque leads off
7. Why was an as-yet unidentified Met heard laughing in the locker room following a recent loss?
(A) Reyes told him a great joke
(B) Overheard Delgado giving Gomez advice on "how to hit with runners in scoring position"
(C) Heilman told him, "I think I still have a chance to be a starter this year"
(D) Saw Schoenweiss in the shower
(OK, that last one was uncalled for. Sorry, Scott.)
8. Which of the following events has the LEAST chance of taking place?
(A) Mets plate a runner from 3rd with less than two out
(B) Schoenweiss works a tidy 1-2-3 inning against the heart of the order
(C) Julio Franco sends a 97-mph heater over the left-field fence
(D) Space aliens land on the Home Run apple at Shea, drop their pants, and dance the hokey-pokey to "Sweet Caroline"
The correct answers are below. Here's how you rank:
7-8 correct: Congratulations, you're a "David Wright."
5-6 correct: Not bad, but could be better. You're a "John Maine."
3-4 correct: Sub-par. You're a "Scott Schoenweiss."
1-2 correct: Pathetic. You're a "Chan Ho."
0 correct: Helloooooo, Mr. Delgado!
Thank you for participating.
Answer key: 1.D, 2.C, 3.C, 4.B, 5.C, 6.B, 7.D (sorry again, Scott), 8.C.