Epilogue

Paul Lo Duca, '07: On November 23, 2007, signs one-year, $3 million contract with Dodgers to back up Russell Martin in 2008. However, after Jorge Posada signs 4-year, $50 million contract with the Mets on December 2, George Steinbrenner scrambles to buy out Lo Duca's contract for $70 million. Lo Duca goes on to lead the Yankees to 14th straight playoff appearance while hitting .330.

Carlos Delgado, '07: Signs as new designated hitter with Baltimore Orioles, where he proceeds to amazingly rediscover his stroke, blasting 46 home runs and 130 RBIs in 2008.

Billy Wagner, '07: Retires to Alpaca farm in rural Virginia, where he lovingly tends to prized mare named "So Taguchi."

Tom Glavine, '07: Unhappy with his trainwreck of a last start in 2007, signs $400,000 contract with Braves to play "one last year." Wins 2008 Cy Young award while going 5-0 against the Mets with 1.02 ERA.

Aaron Heilman, Jorge Sosa, Aaron Sele, Scott Schoenweis, '07: All go on to long and fruitful careers as batting practice pitchers in minor leagues.

Guillermo Mota. '07: After remaining year on 2-year contract is bought out by Mets, Mota reinvents himself as power-hitting outfielder. After 3 long years of hard work in minor leagues, he is finally called up by Cardinals on July 9, 2010. Busted for steroids on July 10, 2010.

Moises Alou, '07: Signs one-year contract with San Diego Padres to replace Milton Bradley, who is committed to mental institution after taking swing at cop during 2007 New Year's Eve incident. While running after fly ball during 5th game of 2008 season, Alou's right leg, left arm, and right ear literally fall off his body. Retires shortly thereafter.

Orlando Hernandez, '07: Attempts comback with Mets for 2008, but is diagnosed in spring training with arthritis, bursitis, gout, goiter, the staggers, and hysterical blindess. Retires.

Willie Randolph, '07: Is fired by GM Omar Minaya on October 2, 2007 for rank incompetence. Parting words: "I trusted my guys."

Omar Minaya, '07: Is fired by COO Jeff Wilpon on October 3, 2007 for outrageous Brian Bannister/Ambiorix Burgos trade and Mota signing.

Jeff Wilpon, '07: Is fired by his father, Fred Wilpon, on October 4, 2007, for "fucking up my team." Sent to room without supper.

Fred Wilpon, '07: Loses control of Mets on October 5, 2007 after hostile takeover by Cablevision. James Dolan installed as new Mets Chairman. Isiah Thomas appointed new GM and manager.

Jose Reyes, David Wright, Carlos Beltran, John Maine, Oliver Perez, '07: All traded by Thomas on October 6, 2007 in package to Boston Red Sox in exchange for Manny Ramirez, in what Thomas describes as a bid to get the Mets to be "more athletic." Thomas also signs Rey Ordonez from Boise Buckaroos of independent league to $50 million contract.

Toasty Joe, '07: Month-long inability to sleep or eat and persistent bouts of nausea miraculously disappear on October 1, 2007. Several weeks later, watches New York Yankees sew up 27th World Championship with 4-game sweep of Colorado Rockies. Nausea returns.