Yes, the Yankees are so bad, they've officially bumped the Mets from being the lead item on a frickin' Mets blog. Clueless Joe used 5 more pitchers in yesterday's game, and has now used pitcher Scott Proctor in 15 of the Yankees' 23 games. Joe used Proctor in 83 games last year, and now he's on pace to use him more than 90 times in 2007. Ninety! Toasted Joe has obtained an exclusive list of Torre's upcoming ideas for Scott Proctor:
1. Petition the league to allow Yankees to use one pitcher multiple times in the same game, so Scott Proctor can start and then come back once Luis Visciano implodes.
2. Train Scott Proctor to throw a pitch, then outrun it to home plate and catch it himself, Bugs Bunny-style. Why? Why not?
3. Have Scott Proctor invite A-Rod and Jeter over for weekly sleepovers at Scott Proctor's apartment to ease the tension between the two of them.
4. Use Scott Proctor's mystical healing hands to fix Carl Pavano's "discomfort", just like Mr. Miyagi did for Daniel-san before the big karate tournament.
5. Have Scott Proctor put on a Superman costume, then fly around the world really fast, over and over again, thus reversing the rotation of the earth and turning back the hands of time, allowing the Yankees to rethink their decision to include only clunky, brittle veterans in their starting rotation in 2007.
Finally, last Yankee note: I heard a sound byte from Johnny Damon on the radio this morning that went something like this: "Well, there have been some positives in April. Alex and Sean Henn." Mad Dog was HOWLING.
As for Los Metropolitans, after two worrisome, closer-than-I-would've-liked victories, I feel good. Do I expect them to dominate the Nats? Yes, but I will NEVER be one of those fans who whines because my team didn't win by enough runs. A win is a win is a win. And a Maine is a stud is a Maine is a stud. Seriously, like, wow. I thought he'd be a solid #3 this year, but who expected this?
Finally, hats off to Julio Franco, who's been Toasty Joe's personal whipping boy all year. Game-tying hit on Saturday (not a cheapie, either) and a Mex-like play at first base yesterday to help Maine preserve the lead. Listen, he still has no business being our first option off the bench, I really believe that. But you gotta give credit where it's due, and the man had a good weekend for sure. And I was all set to unveil my new nickname for him. I guess "FourSixThree" will have to wait for another day. Good work, Julio.