I'm wondering if anyone ever reads this sentence.

Monday, February 11, 2008

This Is A Boat. Please Name It.

Well, I haven't checked in since last week, so there's a few topics on the table. I could talk about my experiences at the Giants' victory parade (it was chilly, I got there too early, and I caught a cold as a result, but Super Bowl Champs, baby!). I could talk about the fact that Willie Randolph said on SNY this weekend that people tell him he looks like LaVar Burton. I could talk about Brian McNamee dishing dirt on Debbie Clemens - snort - DEBBIE Clemens!! (First the Super Bowl, then Johan, then Debbie Clemens...this is like Christmas).

But I choose to eschew those topics, at least today, in favor of a new contest that I like to call....drum roll, please....


That's right, long-time friend, collaborator, poker buddy, groomsman, outer-borough expert, music, film and techonology consultant Tom (Maybe I Can Help) has purchased a brand new vessel, not unlike the one pictured above. Rumor has it that he and Mrs. I Can Help are having some difficulty naming this sucker. So, we turn to you, the loyal reader, for assistance.

The person who comes up with the finest, funniest, wittiest, and most original moniker for Tom's boat will win the eternal distinction of having the aforementioned scow bear the winning name emblazened upon its hull for all eternity -- or at least until the repo man seizes it next year (I kid). Rickey Henderson, I'm looking in your direction here.

In the meantime, I'll get everyone started with a few of my suggestions:

1. "18-1" (probably won't go over with Mrs. Tom, the Pats fan, but I like it)
2. "Row V" (a fitting tribute to our least favorite spot in Shea Stadium before it's destroyed)
3. "Meister Bait" (you know, like Meister Brau....oh, wait)
4. "The Derek Jeter" (should attract many smelly, scaly fish)
5. "I Bought This With My Gambling Winnings" (why equivocate?)

The polls close in exactly one week, so get those entries in!

p.s.: I also considered discussing the fact that I realized this weekend that the guy on Entourage who played "Yair," the Saudi zillionaire who briefly agreed to purchase "Medellin" from Vinny Chase, bears a striking resemblance to Haus, f/k/a Count Choculitis. But that's another story entirely.


Blogger maybe i can help... said...

So, the missus and I came to an agreement. I will not name the boat for a Mets or Giants player, and in return, I will not entertain any names based on any New England teams or players. We both are not fans of the Yankees, so any names at Capitan Herpes expense are OK... except of course actually calling the boat "Captain Herpes"... I do have to be seen driving it... in my Judge Smails hat.... heh heh heh...ok, Pookie!

12:05 PM

Anonymous Did you see that rabbit? said...

Mrs. I Can Help here. Thanks in advance for the name suggestions. I agree with my husband (and Maybe Senior, Captain Emeritus of the boat) about not naming it after the Mets, Giants, Red Sox or Pats. While we all agree on dislike of the Yankees, I kind of hate to give them the attention of something like "Jeter Sucks" (and, as Joe points out, there is the fish scaring issue), but we'll give all suggestions their due consideration.

12:16 PM

Anonymous the bronx lurker said...

So I guess that takes my favorite nickname for "The Play" off the table? Too bad-- "The Giant Snatch" would be a great name for a boat. No offense, Mrs. MICH.

How about "Shrimp Boat"? That way, you can go proclaim yourself an official shrimp boat captain.

1:08 PM

Anonymous BookieD said...

In all seriousnes, I would have considered "Maybe I Can Help" as a name. I will ponder this and send an entry.

And yes, I agree that Yair does bear a striking resemblance to the Count. My wife also thinks he looks like Alec Baldwin's assistant on 30 Rock.

2:11 PM

Blogger Toasty Joe said...

Hmmm....Bookie D breaks out to an early lead as far as I'm concerned. I would like to see a picture of Tom Hagen's face on the side of the boat, however.

2:18 PM

Blogger maybe i can help... said...

I like BookieD's suggestion, but am afraid it's a little long.

In other news, "Sushi Snatcher" has just been rejected by the wife.

2:25 PM

Anonymous theflitgirl said...

I vote for "Dumb, Dumber, and Dead"

3:06 PM

Anonymous theflitgirl said...

Uh, not to suggest that Mr. and Mrs. MICH fit any of the above categories.

3:07 PM

Blogger Toasty Joe said...

For those unaware, Flitgirl is referring to a less-than-brilliant Daily News headline a few weeks back about those guys who tried to cash their dead friend's Social Security check. Carry on.

3:09 PM

Anonymous did you see that rabbit said...

To elaborate upon my rejection of "Sushi Snatcher", the presumption is against any name with "snatch" in it.

4:57 PM

Anonymous don't buy anything said...

How about the Seaward or Tom's Dhingy. I doubt she'll go for "the Crab Catcher". Whatever you call it, I can't wait for the first monkey knife fight in International Waters.

6:53 PM

Blogger Sassdawg. said...

Whenever anyone mentions Roger Clemens Attorney does anybody think of the Rusty Trombone, Rusty Hardin, meet, Rusty Trombone.

7:13 AM

Anonymous Toasty Senior said...

There is only one name and it's obvious. The name derives from the owner's I.T. expertise. It is (drum roll please):


No applause please, just a regular supply of striped bass fillets.

7:50 AM

Anonymous ibaker said...

it should be named "19 and...NO"

10:16 AM

Blogger maybe i can help... said...

Toasty Sr.

There will be enough striped bass for all! I was telling Toasty Jr. that we'll have to meet up for a day on the water out east this summer.

can't wait!

10:24 AM

Anonymous BookieD said...

I gave this some thought, and this is what I have so far:

1. "Up Miale"
2. "The Reel Doll" (for any Stern fans)
3. "My Kraut-Mick Friend"
4. "The Glory Pole"
5. "The Downeaster Lonergan"
6. "The Casting Couch"
7. "Hot Coral Action"
8. "Aft Play" (or "Bass Play")

I may have more throughout the day.

11:34 AM

Blogger Toasty Joe said...

Along the lines of "the Casting Couch," I was going to suggest "Web Caster" (in view of MICH's line of work). But how can I compete with "Hot Coral Action"? That's a home run.

11:37 AM

Blogger maybe i can help... said...

well done Mr. D.

One thing that i failed to mention is that my dad will be using this boat quite a bit during the week. So Bass Play is out... I do love Hot Coral Action... i think that no matter what the name of the boat is, I'm inscribing that as a "surname"

11:43 AM

Blogger SonnyD said...

I never named a boat before, but there is only one I can think of...the most beautiful name in the whole wide world...


12:05 PM

Blogger Rickey Henderson said...

Funny boat name, hmmm... Rickey's never had to name a boat and would probably veer towards the profane if given the opportunity. Here you go:

Red Rackam's Ram-Rod
Cocksucker II
Pluto's Penultimate Pride
Starboard Means Right
Manhood Sold Seperately
Nautilus' Nectar
Floating Tax Break (a boat can be one if you live in it)
Motorboating S.O.B.

12:34 PM

Blogger BookieD said...

Thanks for the compliments! I'm actually partial to "The Glory Pole" myself, but I guess it's just a matter of taste.

12:48 PM

Blogger Toasty Joe said...

Rickey, you redeemed yourself with "Motorboating S.O.B." I think I'm torn between that and "Hot Coral Action" at this point.

12:50 PM

Blogger Rickey Henderson said...

heh, perhaps... Rickey thinks there's a certain sublime beauty to "Starboard Means Right." In any event, don't close the competition yet--Rickey will be linking to it tomorrow.

1:01 PM

Blogger Mikey P said...

OK, I dont check the blog for ONE DAY and I miss all this excitement. That'll teach me...


how's about "Sonny Days Again"

I know it was MICHs father, Maybe Sr, that has been the fishing inspiration, but our Grandpa was a significant one too... for those not familiar, the Moms side of the family had a boat called the Sonny Day. (No NOT Sonny D... sorry bud)

Otherwise, I accept all of Rickeys titles... with nods to "HIIIYAAA",
I Like "up Miale" but I wouldnt want any real names on my boat.

1:21 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

On the Flintstones, Fred and Barney bought a boat together once. Fred wanted to call it the "Nautilus" and Barney wanted to call it the "Sea-King" so they took the first 3 letters of each and called it "Nau-Sea" which I always thought was an appropriate name for a boat

3:30 PM

Anonymous BookieD said...

What about:

9. "Ahoy-Hoy!"
10. "Champion-Ship" (in honor of both the Giants & Red Sox--makes everyone happy)
11. "Ship for Brains"
12. "Water-Boarding"
13. "Amber Waves" (my favorite female porn star from Boogie Nights)
14. "Suck My Cockle"
15. "Mast 'n Bait"

7:02 PM

Blogger MetFanMac said...

I suggest "This is My Other Boat" (original) or "Sail Bad the Sinner" (not mine).

4:13 AM

Blogger maybe i can help... said...

... and the hits keep on coming.

another spectaular showing by Bookie D.

10:28 AM

Blogger Toasty Joe said...

Bookie - I'm more of a Rollergirl man.

10:30 AM

Blogger Rickey Henderson said...

If only you'd bought the boat a year and a half ago... The Vikings sex boat scandal would've tied in perfectly here. But alas.

10:31 AM

Anonymous Coop said...

How about Salty Seaman?

5:31 PM

Blogger Mike said...

Playing off of Rickey's names, how 'bout Starboard Wright. Or Star Board Wright. Star Wright?

Maybe it's just the Mets fan in me.

Otherwise, the scatological or sexual innuendo names are the most fun:

Poopin' On The Poop Deck

Friggin' In The Riggin'

Man The Jib

Between The Main Sheets

Plug The Porthole

Reelin' In The Beers

The rumor that I'm 14 years old is untrue . . . though thoroughly believable.

All that said, perhaps in honor of the boat coming from gambling earnings, "All In" has a certain ring to it.

7:28 AM

Blogger Rickey Henderson said...

"Seaman's Platter" is fun too, if you catch Rickey's drift...

10:15 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

How about "The Derek Bell"?

11:39 AM

Blogger Harold said...

How about, "If this boat's a-rockin, don't come a-knockin?"

2:41 PM

Blogger maybe i can help... said...

all good suggestions... i do have to say that anyone that knows me, knows that "All In" might be the perfect name.

That's a reel possibility (see what i did there... I'm so clever)

2:50 PM

Blogger Toasty Joe said...

Tom, I think a more appropriate name for you might be "Slow Roller."

2:53 PM

Blogger maybe i can help... said...

"Slow Roller" definitely describes my style of play better, but I like the double meaning of "All In" for a boat.

It looks as though I won't actually take delivery of the boat until the end of March, so there's still plenty of time to come up with names!

2:57 PM

Blogger houseofdny said...

Avatar in mind, I'm partial to:

Long Beach 4-5620

Also getting votes:

Try The Veal

1:07 PM

Blogger Andy said...

I'm thinking that "Sotally Tober" would be a good one.

11:58 AM


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