Opening Night

Ahhh...baseball. You remember baseball. It's that sport that's sandwiched between St. Patrick's Day and Halloween. Kevin Costner's made about 15 movies about it. The Mets played it to near-perfection two years ago, but played something that barely resembled it last year. Yes, you remember baseball.

Anyhoo, to commemorate this extra-special, super-duper day, I've decided to roll out a brand new feature: Yes, I've decided to take a crack at live-blogging this afternoon's festivities. Of course, as I am at work, this will be based on the good old-fashioned WFAN feed. (Terrestrial radio...you remember terrestrial radio?) Let's give it a try and see how it goes. If it is met with some modicum of acclaim by the unwashed masses that comprise my readership, you will be treated to repeat performances throughout the season. Inasmuch as I have to leave here at 6:30, this might have to be aborted before the game ends.

1:09 pm - Fuck. Do I really have to wait three more hours? Sigh...

2:50 pm - Just heard that the Yankee home opener was rained out. Hank Steinbrenner was quoted as saying that Mother Nature is a "cunt whore bitch Boston fan." Hopefully, the Bronx Lurker did not burn a precious vacation day to shlep down to the Bronx only to turn around and go back home again. If so....[insert Nelson Muntz laugh here]

3:04 pm - OK, we're about one hour away now. So close to Johan Time, I can smell it. I'm just now realizing that I didn't do anything even remotely resembling a 2008 preview. Big whoop. You don't read this site for Gammons-esque analysis, sabermetrics, or discussions on who's got the biggest VORP (outside of Ron Jeremy). You read it for wanton Mets-related sarcasm, shameless Yankee-bashing, and crude jokes about sexually-transmitted diseases (see: Sojo, Luis). These I can and will provide in spades. That is my promise to you, the reader.

3:45 pm - It's "Mets Extra" time on the FAN! And you know what that means: "Hot dogs, green grass, all at Shea....guaranteed to have a heckuva day!" When I was a kid, I never knew that they had actually changed those lyrics from "Bring the kiddies, bring the wife..." in order to make them more PC. Personally, I would love to "bring the wife," but she tends to read and/or knit at the games. Anyway, it's good to hear Eddie C's voice again.

3:48 pm - It's the "Manager's Report" with Willie Randolph. Ugh. Just the sound of his voice is already making me lose hope, and we haven't even played a fucking inning yet. I would describe the tone of Willie's voice as "characteristically upbeat."

4:19 pm -"Welcome to Mets baseball! Hi, I'm Howie Rose here with Wayne Hagin..." Who?? Did some random fan just wander into the radio booth?

4:23 pm - Mr. Wayne Hagin has a slight hint of a Southern twang in his voice. Kind of incongruous for a New York team, if you ask me, but what the hell do I know.

4:28 pm - And your first at-bat of 2008 is a three-pitch strikeout to Mr. Jose "Don't Call Me Professor" Reyes. So, in other words, October, November, December, January, February, and March did nothing to disrupt the roll he was on when last season ended.

4:31 pm - Howie reminds us that D. Wright won a Gold Glove last year. Remind me how that happened again?

4:35 pm - Bloop double for Carlos Beltran puts runners on 2nd and 3rd with two out. Man, how did Castillo not score on that one? If I had to guess, I'd say he wasn't running hard. I'm sorry - It's going to take a lot for me to forget September of last year. A LOT.

4:43 pm - Johan sets 'em down 1-2-3 in the first. He just earned .00000263% of his salary.

4:50 pm - The three other new Mets - Pagan, Church, and Schneider - go down 1-2-3 on a total of ten pitches. If 2007 was any indication, they'll fit right in here. (Oh, and Howie just announced that 'Stings has just hit his first home run as a Nat. Great timing).

4:55 pm - Six in a row set down by Johan. What's .00000263% times two? I'm too lazy to reach for my calculator.

5:10 pm - Make it nine. I could get used to this. I truly could.

5:14 pm - Beltran blasts a double to left field, giving...sigh...Carlos Delgado a crack at an RBI with a runner on second and nobody out. I'm sure he'll at least advance Beltran to third...right?

5:18 pm - Delgado walks, and Angel Pagan picks up where he left off in Port St. Lucie and gives the Mets the lead! Now is as good a time as any to say that I enjoy his name very much.

5:20 pm - Church knocks in Delgado, and it's 2-zip, Mets. F 'Stings! F 'Stings!

5:31 pm - Reyes knocks in another, Castillo walks, and Hendrickson has now thrown about 15,000 pitches in the top of the 4th. This game could get fun very soon.

5:33 pm - What'd I just say?!? Sugar Pantaloons clears the bases with a double to the wall, and it's 6-0 Metsies. I must point out that D. Wright and John Maine were the only two Mets to show any nuts in the final, mournful trudge of 2007. I won't soon forget that. Oh yeah, and speaking of nuts, Tom Glavine can lick my left one.

5:45 pm - "The first chink in the armor, Ted." Josh Willingham (or is it Herm Winningham?) goes deep against Johan, and it's 6-2. Poo. I know Johan got bit by the HR bug last year, so let's hope this isn't a trend.

6:15 pm - Jose is caught stealing to end the top of the 6th, and WFAN rolls out, for the 9th time today, a promo for an upcoming Gloria Estefan concert at Foxwoods. Ooo, let's go! Who's with me? "I didn't think she was gonna do 'Get On Your Feet,' and then, bam, second encore!!"

6:16 pm - Sometimes I wonder if anyone understands my Simpsons references other than me and Sonny D.

6:29 pm - After a 1-2-3 inning for Johan, D. Wright laces a double to right, but is caught stealing at third.

Here endeth the live-blogging portion of our evening. (A 7 pm appointment prevented me from continuing). As you all know, the Mets held on for a 7-2 win. Not a bad start in the slightest: great performance from Johan, near-flawless bullpen work, and some key knocks from the new acquisitions. A few more of these, and I'll be ready to begin to kind of almost possibly sort of start to get over last year. Good start, fellows!