Dan The Man

I come not to speak of a David Wright walk-off or another exquisite catastrophe from our big, fat joke of a bullpen. No, today I come in praise of Dan.

As several of you know, my real first name is not "Joe," nor is it "Toasty." In fact, I share the same first name as a certain wunderkind named Daniel Murphy, he of the gritty hustle, sweet swing, and .467 batting average. Yes, Daniel Murphy has the potential to be -- wait for it -- the Greatest Dan To Ever Put On A Met Uniform.

That's a bold statement, you say. No doubt. But let's recap, shall we, his competition. The following, courtesy of the life-changingly helpful Ultimate Mets Database, is a list of each and every Dan, Daniel, or Danny to ever don the orange and blue, ranked best to worst.

1. Danny Heep. See, when your toughest competition is Danny Heep, you've already got a leg up. Mr. Heep was a capable utility outfielder for the mid-80's juggernaut teams, and....well, that's about it. His most memorable moment came in the ludicrous 19-inning, 4:15 a.m. marathon victory over the Braves in 1985, inasmuch as he can famously be seen crumbling to his knees as he watched dumpy Braves relief pitcher Rick Camp's unfathomable game-tying home run sail over the left field wall in the 18th. Lifetime stats in 395 games for the Mets: .263, 21 HR, 108 RBI. Mr. Murphy, top that!

2. Danny Frisella. That's how bad the Mets' "Dans" are: Danny Frisella is number TWO. This gentleman took the mound in fragments of six different seasons from 1967 to 1972, meaning he, like Mr. Heep, owns a championship ring. However, Frisella had even less to do with his ring than Heep, inasmuch as he did not record a single postseason statistic in 1969. Lifetime stats in 158 games for the Mets: 24-26, and a pretty good (for the late '60's, that is) 3.08 ERA. Bonus fact: According to Wikipedia, he was killed in 1977 in -- wait for it -- a dune buggy accident.

3. Dan Wheeler. From Frisella, the drop-off is quite steep. Mr. Wheeler was one of Art Howe's "we battled" guys, logging 101.2 IP in 2003 and 2004 to the tune of a not-completely-atrocious 4.25 ERA. Good enough for the #3 spot.

4. Dan Norman. Another guy from before my time, Norman logged parts of 4 seasons in Queens from 1977-1980. He'll always be known for coming over from Cincinnati along with Pat Zachary, Doug Flynn, and Steve Henderson for one Mr. Seaver. And that's good that he'll be known for something, because his stats with the Mets are, well, they're not good: 139 games, .230, 9 HR, 30 RBI.

5. Danny Garcia. Another one of the talentless drones from the dreary Art Howe era, I had all but wiped this guy from my memory until I set about compiling this list. Got a really good chunk of playing time at 2B in 2004, but when you look at the numbers, you have to wonder why. His stats in 77 games with the Mets: .227, 5 HR, 23RBI.

6. Dan Schatzeder. Hey, I think I had his baseball card! Why, you ask, is a guy who had a sparkling 0.00 ERA for the Mets so low on this list? Maybe it's because he only logged 5.2 IP for the Mets in 1990. Still, that's some nice work, Dan.

7. Danny Boitano. Any relation to Brian? Anyone wanna look it up? Anyway, he (Danny, not Brian) pitched for the Mets for one year (1981), logged 16.1 IP, a 2-1 record and a 5.51 ERA. Not exactly Schatzeder material, but not awful.

8. Danny Graves. His stats are comparable to Boitano's, but he once flipped off a fan in Cincy, so he gets buried on this list. A late-season addition to Willie's 2005 pen, he gave us 20.1 IP to a Heilman-esque 5.75 ERA.

9. Dan Murray. Apparently he pitched two innings for the Mets in that charmed year of 1999. I have no memory of him whatsoever. His stats in those two innings? 4 hits, 3 ER, two BB, 13.50 ERA. Awful, but not as bad as #10 on this list.

10. Danny Napoleon. Our final "Dan" played parts of the 1965 and 1966 seasons with Mets, and his stats are the stuff nightmares are made of. 130 AB, 0 HR (that's ZERO), 7 RBI (that's SEVEN), .162 BA. Despite having the coolest last name of anyone on this list not named "Schatzeder," you, Mr. Napoleon, are the worst Dan ever to wear a Met uniform.

And, there you have it. As you can see, through a mere five games with the Mets, Daniel Murphy has already passed about 90% of the names on this list. All I have to say is: Watch out, Danny Heep, you've got company!

I wonder if that sentence has ever been written before.