Of Giants, Democracy, Rank Idiocy, and Social Networking Sites

Yes, it's true....Toasty Joe is alive, well, and back by popular demand. And by "popular demand," I mean the two comments I got on my last post (which is now staler than a kaiser roll left in the sun for two weeks), asking me to post something, anything, dear God post something! Well, who am I to say no? We've got a lot of ground to cover, so let's get started.

Since we last spoke:

(1) ...the New York Football Giants have been putting on an absolute clinic. And not that bad kind of clinic with all the protestors outside. Simply put, they're a buzzsaw and the rest of the leauge is sawdust. They're a hot knife, and the rest of the league's butter. They're crap, and the rest of the league's a goose. (OK, forget that last one). They're clicking on both sides of the ball and have been dead-eyed perfect on special teams. They fall behind early every now and then, yawn, and then just steamroll the other team. They lose their best WR from a hissy-fit, a boo-boo, and/or a suspension, and they don't miss a beat. They lose their bruising RB to an injury, and roll out not one, but two unstoppable RB options. They rack up 200+ yards on the ground against the best rushing defense one week, then pass their way to a win on the road the next week against one of the hottest teams around. They embarrass Washington, humiliate Dallas, bitch-slap the Ravens, de-pants Philly, smack around Arizona, and make just enough plays to steal one in Pittsburgh. This, people, is a perfect football team. Last year was a fluke? Fluke you!

(2) ...the electorate of the United States of America finally, finally, Jesus H. Christ on a popsicle stick FINALLY, rejected fear-mongering, scare tactics, and mindless jingoism and elected someone who can actually read and speak English, who's read the Constitution, who's thoughtful and contemplative and insightful, and who commands respect. Oh yeah, and he's a black guy with a funny name. What the heck's going on around here? This is not the America I know. (Side note: Election Night was, without question, one of the greatest nights of my life. The Flitgirl and I live in Brooklyn, where it was sheer bedlam up and down the streets into the wee hours of the morning. I have described it to people as New Year's Eve crossed with the 4th ofJuly crossed with the Mets and the Yankees simultaneously winning the World Series. It was that incredible).

(3) ...I've discovered the wonders of a little program called "Mad Men." Never heard of it? Eh, you're not alone. Sometimes I think nobody watches this show except TV critics and a few hipsters. I actually attempted a Don Draper costume on Halloween, and, predictably, nobody except the wife knew who I was. But it's a really exceptional show, with a stellar cast and fabulous writing. Go Netflix season one on DVD and tell me you're not hooked. (By the way, if you're one of the 12 people who actually watch it, please refrain from disclosing any details beyond around the sixth episode from season two. Flitgirl and I are still catching up. Your cooperation is appreciated).

(4) ....I have become hopelessly addicted to Facebook. Somebody help me. Over the weekend, I formed a "group" of all people who went to my elementary school when I did, and I was giddy when I saw the group is up to 20 members. God, I'm pathetic.

(5) ....the Phillies won the World Series, thereby rendering Philadelphia sports fans 0.0000235% less miserable, but also rendering Met fans 36% more miserable. Dammit.

(6) ....we found out that Donovan McNabb doesn't know that you can play to a tie in the regular season in the NFL. I still cannot wrap my brain around this one. You play a fucking GAME for a living for 10 years, and you don't even know the rules? It's not like we're talking about memorizing the Federal Rules of Civil Procedure here, or even some really esoteric football rule that only comes into play once a century (like Neil Racker's "fair catch/free kick" yesterday). You don't know that there are TIES?? Of course, the best part came when Donovan kept on talking: "I hate to see what happens in the Super Bowl and I hate to see what happens in the playoffs, to settle with a tie." Sweet merciful crap, are you kidding me?

(7) ....my home computer has become besieged with spyware. FUCK! Is there anything worse than this? Adaware didn't get it, and I'm apparently too cheap of a bastard to buy something that will. Any recommendations, people?

(8) .....the Knicks apparently don't completely suck. I am so not even ready to address this yet. The stench of Isiah (who I guess sort of tried to kill himself recently) hasn't even come close to wearing off. Until it does, I'm not going to get myself in a tizzy about a few wins. However, if Jimmy Dolan gets hit by a meteor, all bets are off.

(9) ....I've learned that having a fireplace in your apartment kicks some serious ass, but makes your apartment smell like some serious ash. Seriously.

That is all for now. I will attempt to keep things a little more updated on a regular basis, though I'm certainly not promising anything along the lines of daily entries until Opening Day. Peace out.