Hank Steinbrenner Says A Lot Of Funny Shit
I'm not sure if everyone's picked up on this just yet -- probably because the season hasn't begun -- but ever since Hank Steinbrenner became the de facto head honcho up in the Bronx after last season, the man has been spinning out nutty quotes like it's his job. The weird thing about them is they all feel really contrived, like he thinks he needs to pick up where his dad left off in the early 1990s (before he ended up sitting in a bedroom somewhere in his slippers and robe, eating applesauce with a plastic spoon). But the difference is, George seemed genuinely insane. Hank? I don't know, the whole persona just isn't ringing true to me.
But either way, his flailing efforts to talk tough are an endless source of hilarity. Witness his latest statements to the New York Times:
“Red Sox Nation?” Hank says. “What a bunch of [expletive] that is. That was a creation of the Red Sox and ESPN, which is filled with Red Sox fans. Go anywhere in America and you won’t see Red Sox hats and jackets, you’ll see Yankee hats and jackets. This is a Yankee country. We’re going to put the Yankees back on top and restore the universe to order.”
You get all that? Here you have (i) a profanity, (ii) a conspiracy theory, (iii) a gross hyperbole, (iv) a ridiculously pompous pronouncement, and (v) a grandiose prognostication, all in the span of six little sentences. I'm telling you, this is going to be a fun season.
I must also note that I take issue with the substance of Hank's quote, especially since I doubt he's spent much time exploring our vast country outside of New York, Tampa, and an occasional trip to Cleveland. But if he's happy claiming all of the fringe, bandwagon, pink-cap wearing, front-running "Yankee fans" in Tulsa, Raleigh, and Omaha, he's welcome to them.